I Can’t Even: Horror Movies I Will Never Watch Again

By: Meg Humphrey

 

It’s no secret I love horror movies of all kinds. I’ve even sat through Cannibal Holocaust and The Human Centipede 2. Sci-fi Horror, psychological horror, super gory horror, totally weird horror that doesn’t make any sense – I’ll take it all. But despite my strong stomach and tolerance of staged depravity, there are some that I refuse to watch.

NO HORROR 1

Ernest Scared Stupid

No doubt the most unusual item on this list, but this movie upset me terribly as a child. I know that this movie is supposed to be lighthearted Halloween fun for the whole family, but I seriously believed that the things in the movie could happen. What if I accidentally unleashed an evil troll just by goofing around and making some thumping noises? Plus the troll was really gross looking. This is one movie I won’t be sharing with my future kids.

NO HORROR 2

A Nightmare on Elm Street/Any Freddy Krueger Movie

Another childhood trauma, A Nightmare on Elm Street was too much for me to handle. I know subsequent sequels have gotten more and more comical, but the first movie and Freddy are enough to keep me away from the franchise. I mean, a murderer who kills you in your dreams? Their purpose is to make you stay awake at night.

NO HORROR 3

The Strangers

Home-invasion is the horror sub-genre that I have the hardest time dealing with. If it’s a ghost or a demon, then I’m okay, but if it’s just normal people being terrible? No thank you. Many hail The Strangers as being frightening, suspenseful, and creating a feeling of realness that horror doesn’t often get right. So basically it’s a “never” on my to-watch list despite how much I like Liv Tyler.

NO HORROR 4

The Puppet Master

I remember watching this movie when I was four years old. I was clutching my stuffed dolphin (his name was Dolcini – he was a magician) while sitting on the floor in front of my Pa. I hardly slept for a month after that because I kept seeing tiny shadows moving about my room – groups of dolls wandering around, up to who knows what. In hindsight, I know that this is one of those spectacularly cheesey 80’s horror movies that does such a good job at being so bad, but I definitely saw it much too young to appreciate it for those reasons.

NO HORROR 5

V/H/S: Viral

This wasn’t scary or gory or thoughtful or unique or anything of note. It was just plain bad and a waste of time.

 

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