5 Joys of the 5 Armies

By: Meg Humphrey


While watching The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, I kept thinking that Peter Jackson let more of his earlier film history influence him. There were more kitschy moments in this last installment of Middle Earth than the other five movies combined. This isn’t a complaint, in fact, I think that’s what made the film comprised of mostly fight scenes still feel like it had heart. This is all spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie yet, you may not want to read further.


  1. Bard using his son to shoot a black arrow. I know this is supposed to be emotionally engaging, which it kind of was, but mostly I couldn’t help chuckling at what he was asking his son to do and how it could possibly work. I really hope that Luke Evans will continue to be cast as dads-who-try-to-be-great-dads-but-aren’t-that-good-at-it (see: Dracula Untold). To quote my boyfriend: “Smaug kind of went out like a punk.” He did. And the whole thing was hilarious.


  1. Thranduil instructing Legolas to go find Strider. They have a beautiful friendship in Lord of the Rings, so the foreshadowing here just warmed my heart. I would watch an entire trilogy of just Legolas and Aragorn’s scrappy adolescent adventures.


  1. Thorin and Azog’s ice battle. Was there really any part of this duel that was supposed to be serious? Azog has a sword for an arm and he decides the best way to fight Thorin is to repeatedly throw a very heavy rock at him while standing on a frozen river? Shame on Thorin for just trying to drown him instead of taking the opportunity to, you know, stab him or cut his head off or something. Azog has shown that he enjoys coming back from the “dead” and Thorin should have known better. To be fair, everything about Thorin in this movie was amusing and over the top, especially his confrontation with his demons in the golden hall and his negotiation with Bard.


  1. Billy Connolly as Thorin’s cousin, Dain. As soon as he spoke my brain started screaming “Jim Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jim Jim!” It was just a really fun cameo and his pig mount was incredibly adorable. When he finally falls of of him during the battle, I swear he calls the pig “Porkins” or “Perkins.” Either one is good.


  1. My Lord Elrond. That armor. Dang.


Bonus number 6: Billy Boyd singing that will induce weeping.